Sometimes in life there are those people you look at and wonder how they got to be so lucky. They seem to have it all. Big houses, nice cars, exotic summer vacations, beautiful families and the latest fashions. The world appears to be at their footstool.
This does NOT describe my life.
There are also those who we see and we think, "I don't know how it could get any worse for them." For these people, life appears to be much harder. Things don't seem to go right and it just seems that as soon as they are starting to get their footing, they tumble back down. In these circumstances it's easy to think, at least early on, "things like this aren't supposed to happen to me!"
This was my life.
I remember the first time I experienced the thought, "things like this aren't supposed to happen to me!".
My parents were in the process of getting divorced and my parents were separated. My Dad was staying with a neighbor while they figured things out. I remember one day looking out my window and seeing my Dad shoveling our neighbors snow. He stopped, rested his elbow on the top of the shovel and looked up longingly at our house. Maybe he saw his confused son in the window, maybe he didn't. But that was the first time I realized they weren't going to live together again. As I came to this realization, I thought "things like this aren't supposed to happen to me!"
I had the same thought several years later when I lost my Mom to her third bout with breast cancer. I was 16, she had fought for more than a year with shunts, chemo, radiation and a spreading cancer that made her bones so brittle she broke her femur rolling over in bed. Again, this time as a 16 year old, I sat and thought "things like this aren't supposed to happen to me!".
The familiar feeling returned later that year I sat in front of the principle of my high school and was told I was being kicked out of school indefinitely for misconduct. No other school within a 40 mile radius would let me in. This wasn't great news for my probation officer OR the judge I already had a court date with. Again, I surveyed the situation and thought "things like this aren't supposed to happen to me!".
In September of 2010, just 3 days before the due date of our first child, we went to the hospital when my wife hadn't felt our son kick in several hours. Once we were hooked up to the ultrasound machine, one nurse turned to two, and then four and then six, and eventually we were left alone. In a dark room and sitting next to a silent ultrasound machine, we held each other and through our tears we thought, "things like this aren't supposed to happen to us."
My story isn't special.
I don't write any of this to solicit sympathy or pity on my behalf. In contrast, I've learned that my story isn't special and many others have experienced tragedies and hardships equal to or greater than my own. What I have learned is these circumstances cause significant grooves in our life's path, and where they lead is totally up to us. Truly, it's not what we experience but how we respond to it that yields our return. It's one thing to experience hard times, it is entirely another thing to grow from them. Through my experiences and incredible leaders around me, I learned I was thinking the wrong way. Instead of thinking "things like this aren't supposed to happen to me!" I started thinking "What can this experience teach me, and how can I use it to help others?" This has made all the difference.
Life's challenging moments (and everyone has them) can plant and nurture the seeds of determination, persistence, toughness, and fortitude. When we cultivate these seeds by facing our fears, tackling hard things, seeking out new challenges, and most importantly, helping others to do the same... we develop Leadership Grit.
Photo Credit: Kristen Self Photography
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